Remembering The Good

When I was a young girl, my dad was my hero. He’d instigate games to play, take us on adventures out of town and bring home surprise gifts. 

He was gone working a lot and usually came home late after dark. He was intangible in some ways because back then we didn’t have cell phones and he worked on site in various locations so we never could just call him while he was at work. We’d wait for him to either arrive home or call to let us know when he’d be home. 

Dinner was usually served late because of his odd hours. My mom would be home to greet us after school and make us dinner. My dad would come home, shower then we’d sit down to eat all together. If we ever got hungry before his arrival, we still had to wait until he got home to eat.

He was the head of the household and the world revolved around him. He was the sole breadwinner so he decided what we could spend money on and not. He was the provider and felt tremendous pride in setting things up for us at home whether it was a trampoline, a set of bunk beds, or a new TV. He loved getting us things that made us happy and he was generous with what he had, which wasn’t a lot.

Still today my dad gives all he can. Almost to a fault and often gives to others before providing himself with what he needs to thrive.

Every time I had to move homes, my car broke down, or I needed a ride to the airport, I knew I could call my dad and he’d be there.

That being said, there were plenty of times my dad would fall short of his commitments and many times simply break them. He was reliable for some things and not so much for others. When he had girlfriends, he would often prioritize his time with them, or put their needs before mine.

Looking back I have much more understanding of who my dad was and how he came to be the man he is today. In a story I tell that will soon be published, I refer to my dad as having been verbally abusive. I talk about how his behaviors shaped some of my decisions in life in less than positive ways. I want to be sure to tell the positives, too. That my dad has a big heart, has been extremely supportive throughout my life, is easy going most of the time and gets along with just about anyone. He taught me the value of family and to care for the earth and question authority. To not be too materialistic or let money change me, and to think of others' needs before my own.

My dad has always been compassionate and caring with kids, old people, and animals, a trait I find in myself and admire in others. He looks out for others even when they are strangers and wants to give the benefit of the doubt before writing someone off. 

As my dad ages, as all parents do, I notice he is changing, as we inevitably do. He is softening and slowing down. Maybe one could call it surrendering to life a bit more. As his mother, his last parent is near passing, there is a lot of reflecting on the past and future. It becomes a marker in time for him. What will he and his siblings do once the focus shifts from the caretaking of their parents?

In all of life’s mysteries, tragedies and depth, I know that I will always have so much to thank my dad for. He has imparted a resilience in me that will never leave me. He has expressed love and admiration for me in letters and cards, even if there are memories from the past that had me question it at times. 

With time passing and all the distractions at hand, I take time to pause and be grateful for my dad. To acknowledge him as a sibling, son, friend, grandpa, great grandpa, and father with all the gifts and playfulness he continues to share with us all, regardless of the past or what’s to come. Thanks, Dad.