Don't Be Afraid

My ex and I were out on an 8 day backpacking trip when I was first pregnant with my daughter, though I did not know it yet.

We were on our last days headed down from high elevation camping, so our packs were lighter than they’d been going up. I was going at a pretty swift pace, navigating rocks and large stones when suddenly I came upon a huge rattlesnake! She reared up at me and from the corner of my eye I noticed a small chipmunk scurrying off into the brush. I had obviously disrupted her hunting and she was pissed. Her tail rattled and she was in a perfect pose to strike if she wanted to. 

I was frozen. That was the first time I’d experienced such a thing. I could not move though; I really wanted to step away, out of reach in case she decided to lunge at me. Everything was in slow motion, no time, no future, just waiting to see what would happen next.

Eventually I was able to reach back for my ex’s hand and he helped me keep my balance while I took small, slow steps backwards without taking my eyes off the snake. She barely moved and held her gaze, deciding it was not worth her efforts and that I was no longer a threat. We threw small pebbles in her direction to scare her off and she took the signal to make her way off the path and into the wilderness once more. The girth of her body was the width of my wrist. She was the queen of her territory and had been there a long time.

I was shaken up the rest of the hike down and back home, when I found out I’d been pregnant, it shook me even more to consider the baby that was with me through that experience.

I took my daughter to a women’s herbal symposium when she was about 3 years old. We were there for a 3 day weekend camp, attending workshops and playing in the river. There was a big open grassy area where everyone could lay out blankets and set up chairs to hang out. We were laying on our blanket when someone shouted just a few feet away that there was a baby rattlesnake there in the grass!

They managed to capture it and relocate it away from the camp, however the closeness of the snake and the fact that it was a baby, more venomous than adult snakes, was very ominous and scary.

Fast forward 18 years or so when my daughter went off to college. That summer I was hiking on a local trail, one I’d been on several times before. I was with a friend and we came across a young rattlesnake strewn across the pathway, straight, long and unmoving. We could see its small rattle without mistake and wondered at its bold posture and how we would continue past it as its head would be close enough to strike if we were to try to pass by. My friend suggested we ask it to make room for us. I looked into its eyes and imagined a quiet request to the snake before me. “Please give us space to pass. We respect you and ask that you share the path. We do not want to harm you.” As I watched to see what it would do next, it slithered its tongue and blinked its eyes then proceeded to turn and arch towards its tail. It stopped with its head directly parallel to its other end, a U turned snake belly now closest to where we would be walking by.

It stayed that way, even after we’d passed by. Then suddenly a mountain bike whizzed by without slowing. It would’ve smashed the snake and killed it if we hadn’t coxed it to move off the trail at that moment.

More recently for my 3 year wedding anniversary with my husband, we took a long hike I’d been on several times. I was reminiscing about all the memories I had of hiking there with family when I was young and with my kids when they’d been in their youth. Heading downhill there was a crowd of people pointing out a good sized rattlesnake as it traversed the hillside near the trail we were all on. It looked frightened and unsure of where to go. I left the scene while it appeared to be coming onto the trail in an attempt to get across and away from all the people.

I’ve always known snakes and other animals to be powerful medicine. When they present themselves, I note the significance in timing and their symbolism in an attempt to decipher what message they might have brought for me. Transformation, slowing down, respect, presence, and power are definitely messages I’ve received from the rattlesnake specifically. Also, “Do not be afraid,” has been a clear one that has felt very personal. Sometimes the things we fear are there to offer our greatest gifts. Lean in, be patient, trust and go slow.

Wishing you a gentle and graceful eclipse season…