Cleansing The Soul

I was very energetic as a child. Hula hooping and riding my bike at age 3, swimming in my grandparents pool and jumping on the trampoline were some of my favorite activities growing up.

When I was 12 my dad took me backpacking. We did 2 days out with a 14 mile loop at an elevation just below 10,000 ft. It was exhausting but I did it. I loved to dance, play on the gymnastic bars, play volleyball, hop scotch, kick ball, tag, and as an adult, began to rock climb when I became a mother. 

Moving my body and being in my body has always been familiar to me. I started yoga when I began going to college and have practiced ever since. In all of this, the shape and size of my body has maintained itself. I never had body image issues. I never worried about being “fat” or overweight. I never worried about my health. I ate what I wanted though I never consistently consumed fast food or commercial processed foods. 

Then the pandemic and perimenopause came along, right around the same time. I also married a man who’s love language is feeding me. Through the challenges of the pandemic we ate really well and I lost my routines. I stopped climbing, stopped dancing, and stopped riding my bike. I became more stagnant and slow. Comfortable in my new sedentary ways, I began to put on weight. My body shape and size began to change and it became more difficult to put on my shoes and get dressed.

I’d gained weight like this before when I was pregnant so it was somewhat familiar. However this time, there was no end in sight. I was not hard on myself though I did become curious. I watched my waistline change, I let go of clothes that no longer felt good to wear, I got all new bras and underwear. I made friends with the little fold of my tummy that seemed to tell me it was here to stay for while.

I did try to get moving again with more exercise though pushing myself never worked as I was caught in between overexertion to the point of making myself sick and getting started at a pace that would help me build up my resilience again. Perimenopause certainly didn’t help with this process. At the same time, I struggled with an autoimmune issue which involved my thyroid that had been brought on by stress as a single parent years before.

My husband never flinched. He loved me as I was and embraced my body with all its largeness and slowness. I noticed my movements made it more difficult to get up off the floor and out of some chairs. Then I found out my thyroid numbers had gotten high enough that my doctor wanted me to start taking medication once a day. This became the final straw for me.

I had done cleanses in the past and none of them had helped improve my health until I did an Ayurvedic cleanse with my friend Talya. I knew I could return to this as a practice anytime and had integrated some of the practices into my lifestyle though I was deep in the habit of eating bread and cheese and drinking wine as often as I felt like. There was a lot of inflammation and I was adding to it with my daily morning coffee and eating sugary snacks when they came across my path.

I’d done a yearly cleanse for over a decade and when my husband and I began dating, he’d adopted the practice with me. We cut out alcohol, sugar, wheat, dairy, alcohol, grains and beans. This would take a lot of stress off the digestive system and allow the inflammation to leave the body. We’d lose weight, pains would go away and we’d feel great. Returning to our familiar dietary routines as the year progressed we felt it all creep back in then we’d do it all over again in the new year. It became something we looked forward to though I could feel the results lessening as time and my body progressed.

This year, I was determined to shift something in a deeper way. I received a book on fasting and devoured it (ha ha). It clicked a lightbulb inside of me that brought it all together. My metabolism has changed, my hormones were changing and I’d been under a tremendous amount of stress. She talked about it all in that book and how to heal it. So I began intermittent fasting and followed the 30 day protocol on how to heal my thyroid in Appendix C near the back of the book. 

So now I was cleansing AND fasting. The detox began and seemed to never stop. Headaches, intense pain, nausea and even vertigo at times. I got massages and acupuncture, saw my therapist, attended my ACA 12 step meetings, went to the mineral springs, took hot epsom salt baths, meditated, did gentle stretching, took saunas and would body brush before showering and at the end of my day. When it got really bad I took activated charcoal as a supplement for a few days. These all became all part of my attempt to help the shit that had been buried under all the fat to leave my body. I kept waiting to feel good and did have a few good days. Though mostly I was uncomfortable, my sleep was not improving, I was having immense emotional upheavals and my energy levels were inconsistent. I didn’t exercise as much as I wanted to though I did lose 7 lbs in the first 2 weeks.

My body changed, inflammation went down and the pain eventually subsided. I have not felt so good in a really long time. I’ll check my thyroid numbers at the end of the month and see where I’m at. I plan to do a group fast for 4 days at the beginning of next month with my friend Johanna leading it. This feels like a new beginning that I’m very excited to immerse myself in. I can’t wait to get my body to a point where I’m thriving again consistently. I definitely could not have gotten this far without the women in my life who have taught me and encouraged me with their wisdom, patience and inspiration.